on this life journey i'm constantly practicing. practicing forgiveness. practicing kindness. you'll hear me use that word, picking up on its importance for me these days. this morning as i sat at the newly painted porch bistro table, i took paper and pen to write one of those letters of release that will never be sent. one of those tough, but good for you sort of letters. one that has been years in the making. it was a letter i've been thinking about writing for over a month but have been putting it off. today was the day. after writing the letter on a folded piece of copy paper ((this letter needed the most basic piece of paper. nothing fancy.)) i sat listening to the birds. their sweet voices carried me into a place of wholeness.
from that space of wholeness, i was breathing deeply. i felt forgiveness and kindness making its way deep into my bones. it felt good. really good. the letter was written. more than that, it was done. then. then. over the birdsong i heard a mother speaking rather loudly in exasperated tones to her wee ones down the street. judgement? not today. i listened.
when i listened i heard fatigue. i heard that someone's likely teething. i heard a voice that spoke of need. soon she gathered her wee ones into their vehicle and the purr of her engine neared, carrying her on about her business. at that moment, i took my pen in hand and wrote this on the other piece of paper with my grocery list & daily tasks.
i wrote without stopping, with a knowing. that knowing came from recognizing her voice as my own at times. knowing that i have had those moments of exasperation, where i'm snapping at my sweet boy. moments when i crush his loving, sharing spirit because i'm too busy, too focused, too distracted. those are fewer and farther between, but still present. my words flowed from that space of knowing. that space of wisdom.
i placed three tea bags into a red envelope, added a couple kindness changes everything stickers and closed the envelope, adding another sticker to the outside that could still be used again. i walked to her place and taped the envelope on the gate.
while i don't know this mother personally, i know her. i get it without needing to understand. i know the struggles and the joys of motherhood. i know what it means to have a gift of a good word. tea tucked between words meant to be a blessing.
as i was driving away, i watched her return home. then i left before i could see anything else. i wanted her to receive without a witness. without me carrying anything from this ding dong ditch ((of sorts)). i wanted her to receive womankindness.
practicing. practicing forgiveness. forgiving myself as i listen and respond without judgement. listen through knowing. forgiving myself. practicing kindness. to teach our children kindness, we do kind things. even when no one's looking.
no praise needed. no witnesses needed, either. yet, i am called to create. called to share stories in this space. sharing in this way today was vunerable. i found that i was practicing what it means to be brave and kind.
i listened to a wise friend today who said, "there's kindness in others if your eyes are open to it." she's living with a kind heart, aware of the goodness surrounding her. what a gift, k! i received a call from P who told me about a magical encounter where kindness and courage and goodness met in a way that blessed a young women. these stories are real. and good. and pure.
maybe a word or two is for you today as well. if you have a word or two to share, please do. xo.
