living what i know.

photo taken on a beautiful trail along skyline drive.

this summer has been about living well and treading gently.  yet, there are some aspects of living well that took the back seat.  i didn't stress about how little i was keeping my "normal" exercise routine.  yet...i weeded and weeded throughout the summer.  i hiked here and there.  i practiced yoga, just not as crazy much as i love to do.

sometimes it's the balance of who needs me and what i need that must be altered.  with more folks at home, i wanted to be near them, my loves.  i wanted to do as much stretching with making art as i could.  so i took the summer off from vending at farmers' markets and went to them when i could as a supporter.

i gathered with my women.  i went to the pool to meet them there and to work on art, too.  watercolors at the pool are way more risky than stitching.  way. more.

i've kept a gentle pace while knowing that i would be able to run more come fall.  i didn't want to drag my 6 year old on the trails.  the few runs i had on the trails this summer were glorious.  they felt good.  really, really good.

savoring summer has been good.  now that our summer is coming to a close and the start of school is upon us, i'm feeling reflective.  as i create a new schedule and work on a new program year in the studio, i am excited and almost giddy about what is to come.

there are always more ideas than time.  that's amazing. and wonderful.  so i'll be making time for the best ideas.  creating. living. loving. sharing.  writing.

oh. so. much. to come.

living what i know.  figuring out what's best in this moment.  in this day.  right now.

what truths do you carry as you live what you know? 

on putting my heart out there.

on matters of the heart.  oh, my.  i'm not equipped to say much about this as a whole.  yet i'm ever so experienced in dealing with my own heart.

saying that, i'm so-so about following my heart.  at times i pull together all the will power i have and say to the world: here goes nothing.  i'm putting myself out there fully and moving foward into my call.

i do that in waves.  sometimes it's ankle deep.  sometimes it rushes up to me and washes over me, covering my head.

here goes nothing.

i've been writing.  a book.  i'm in the proposal stage of what i believe will become a book.  one.  then another.  ((since i'm going to be investing time into writing two! maybe three overlapping.))  

it's a project that's spanned the last few years.  the vision of the book has been held for a long time.  a long time.  maybe over 4 years now that i think about it, yet the book it's becoming is going to be good.

good as in: tears come as i write.  that's when i know.  i know there's something there.

my coach has cheered me on.  my tribe's been informed in slow bits and pieces.   i've been living the book through my retreats and gatherings.

and now.  now.  now is the time to honor this creative birth and see her come to be.  to live.  to grow.

oh, my.  my heart is so invested in this.  yet i keep myself from the shores.  i walk away sometimes, toward the sand dunes and i find myself thirsting for what i know is within that is calling to be born.

so.  my schedule looks different.  even the folks i surround myself are a bit different.  in fact, i'm opening myself up more!  can you believe that?  counter-intuitive to some, yet... what i need.  i'm partnering more and finding myself becoming more and more whole.

my life partner, my love, gives me the best of the best.  my love's space in my life is that unparalled.  he's my greatest champion and hero.  we're in this together.

likewise, my soulsisters are present.  my tribe is forming to a point of greatest gratitude.  i'm opening our home and the studio more and more to folks to gather.  my heart is becoming a meeting place for others.

i'm putting my heart out here, too.  i need space to write.  i need affirmations and encouragement.  and i need to just. write.

to sit.

to listen.

to trust.

and write.  write from my heart.  write for my heart.  and to know i'm enveloped by the waves of wisdom. and that it. is good.

so.  my heart.  is here.  between the words.  in the words.   i know my style is my own and i own that.  there's goodness in the work i do with others.  i'm the last to acknowledge that truth.  yet. my heart has told me.  i must own it.  i must know it.  and i must write so that goodness can be shared beyond my table to include yours.

ah.  trust.  nothing to lose.  yet if i do not sit.  and write.  my heart will lose.

reflections in {this} moment: the path.

rooting myself in this spot.  

taking root. loving.  

sharing stories.  living well.  

seeking my wholeness.  

sharing my light.  

standing in the light of my truth. 

centered. 

finding my wholeness.

whole.  

delighting in life.  

loving well. 

sending cards. handwritten with love. 

making art.  embracing color. 

enjoying.  

swinging. listening. 

seeking creative space.  

creating space.

seeking the sacred.  

graced. 

humble. 

true.

telling truth.

naming. sharing from the source.

blessed.  

receiving the friends who love. 

sending love.  

blessing others. 

grateful.  so, so grateful.

reverberations: ordinary joy: day 27

December 27 – Ordinary Joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? (Author: Brené Brown)

getting my new broom and using it for the first time was a moment filled with joy. sweeping as a sacred act brings a ritual to my day that adds simplicity, delight, joy, and focus. the ordinary act of sweeping becomes extraordinary, bringing calm and restore the space. i am focused. i am in the present. i am sweeping.

reverberations: soul food: day 26

December 26 – Soul Food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul? (Author: Elise Marie Collins)

gumbo = soul food. without question.

each bite. savored.

reverberations: photo: day 25

December 25 – Photo – a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and [...]

a simple photo taken as we were at my boy's soccer game. he cuddles close while waiting for his turn. we are together, sitting still, leaning close. we are present to each other in the moment.

it's a simple moment that captures a moment. there are so many moments strung together. in this moment, i rest. in this moment, i am.

reverberations: everything's OK: day 24

December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis)

breathing deeply . opening my eyes . looking at my sweet boy . breathing deeply . looking at my love . breathing deeply . looking at my hands . breathing deeply . sacred centering . deep knowing .

reverberations: new name: day 23

December 23 – New Name Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)

i've played this game before. here's my response today, in {this moment}: me. i am.

what you see is more than you'll get, but i hope to give you a glimpse through my eyes. through my touch. through my presence. i am a woman with a beautiful child and the love-of-my-life. i am a traveler, a story teller, a story gatherer. i love spaces of home, comfort, peace, love, and creativity. i love to be. i love life. i hope to live each moment fully, present, and whole.

i am on a journey. it's a pleasure to meet you on this life journey. peace be with you.

reverberations: travel: day 22

December 22 – Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

My loves and I travel well together. We are generally excited to go places, to see new spaces, and to have a bit of adventure, even in our own backyard. We love the trips where we go to see friends & to see family. While some trips tend to take time and energy, they often fill our cups with more energy. We are better for the spaces and places we visit.

We are also better for the folks we invite into our places & spaces. For the folks who travel to our home, to our classrooms, and to our studio. Travel happens as we read good stories, watch Man vs. Wild, and spend time dreaming. Travel happens when we open our minds to a variety of food and cultural experiences.

Who knows where we'll travel in 2011. We have dreamy goals for the future years. We'll see where each takes us!

reverberations: future self: day 21

December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)

Be Gentle.

Breathe.

Know Your Truth.

Deep Peace.

Live Well.

Just Be.

[Repeat.]

BONUS: [Repeat.] and Practice Yoga Daily.

reverberations: beyond avoidance: day 20

December 20 – Beyond Avoidance: What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

i have done things that i've wanted to this year. i've been present for folks, for myself, for life. i've lived in the moment. i love the life i'm living. whether frustrated, angry, sad, happy... all the emotions are a part of life. each person that i love, each story shared. i have held within me a book, writing it within through action.

i hope to do more living. to continue to be present to each moment. to continue to be present to myself. now is time to be present to the work that is taking shape within me and to give it a proper birth. a creative birth.

reverberations: healing: day 19

December 19 – Healing What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leoni Allan)

healing takes form in so many ways. healing is a process in life, sometimes taking shape as physical healing sometimes emotional healing.

my personal healing takes shape in a few forms. the one that springs forward to share comes in with the reconciliation that took place with a young woman. we were friends. then there was a rough patch that led to the end of friendship. years passed. then the space to meet again, speak to one another, and create space for healing within ourselves and in the bonds that were broken between us.

there's a new knowing between us, a wisdom that comes from pain. a knowing that takes place in the between space, but also in reconciliation.

while this relationship is still mending, finding healing in each encounter, it is one i am thankful for. I am grateful for the healing that has taken shape between us, tending the gardens of our souls.

reverberations: try: day 18

December 18 – Try What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

I try to create spaces for healing, creativity, & stories to burst through. i try to be a creative midwife for others, sharing the sacred space & bearing witness to their creativity.

I try to be an open space, transparent and true. a space for connection & growth. a space for listening to desires, questions, passions, hopes, hurts.

these are my attempts, knowing if I am open to this ministerial presence that it will connect to others.

my studio space is the newest space created for these trying ways to become reality. in this space, there has been a connection to relaxation, to healing, to soil food, to feasting, to release.

and it moves forward... encircling the life stories of those who met connection in these ways, from my hands to theirs to others.

reverberations: lesson[s] learned: day 17

December 17 – Lesson Learned What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

i am constantly learning. in 2010 I think I learned a little more about settling into myself. knowing myself a little more. centering to my core, moving into each step from within my being. stepping into myself by moving into a space of truth, working from within that space.

i know i'll carry practice forward: centering. yoga. meditation. sweeping. gratitude. pleasure. delight. kindness. making. creating. living.

i will continue to know I am not alone, that I am called to a purpose of my own making and of my particular time & space.

I will settle deeply into myself, set a few new patterns of behavior, & move more freely from my center.

reverberations: friendship: day 16

December 16 – Friendship How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

my friends are kindred spirits, family, life-giving, soul food. my friends shape my movements and my generosity. my friends shape our days and weeks of togetherness, meals shared, and candles lit.

friendship has been so instrumental in my faith development, my growth as a human being, my compassion, my energy, my awareness. friendships over the years have ushered healing, forgiveness, and love. my life has been saved again and again because of the love others share for me.

when you know abandonment, you know suffering. when you know you have friends that would sacrifice for you, you know you can be made whole. when you'll sacrifice for your friends, you know you are love.

reverberations: 5 mintues: day 15

December 15 – 5 Minutes Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (Author: Patti Digh)

when i think about losing memory, i start to remember. i remember the memories i carry regardless of what biology or fever or illness swipes from me. in my fingers making biscuits i hold the memory of the touches of my grandmother's hands, her smell, and her comforting presence. as i care for my almost five-year-old, i remember seeing his face for the first time and holding him beside me to nurse. i remember my sweet one's excitement of today and the way he doesn't seem to take life for granted because he delights in so many moments.

i witness memory as tears come to the surface. i remember the tattoo of a dancing woman moving on my grandfather's arm and his smells of mingled old spice and american produced beer. i remember the spaces where i'd play pool, swim, and play the penny slot machine.

i hear laughter, questions, and fears. i hear egg hunts, picnics, family reunions, and the sound of the tree swing in motion. i feel the sensations of fishing and the penetrating glance of one who watches for our safety.

these aren't memories of 2010, but memories that fill me now, in this moment, here in 2010. this marker is a representation of memories that surface within the me that is now. the me that is present and willing to just be. the me that is willing to say things that might be uncomfortable, to sit still and listen in the presence of deep sadness and the most raw hopes.

the me that is willing to swallow pride, the me that is willing to be vulnerable through words, actions, and art. the me that knows lighting candles, taking deep breaths, practicing yoga, mediation and sacred centering are meaningful spiritual acts. that baking bread and cooking whole foods bring life and maintain health. that my space is a gift and the dirt and dust of daily living is sacred. that spirituality happens in the daily movements of sacred acts. that we fulfill our needs as we interact within community. that openness to people different than ourselves can be our salvation. that we are called to create from within, with each breath. that truth telling and peace + love making matter. that sharing peace through piece work is important, sacred, and pure. that just Being is enough. that we don't have to prove ourselves through words other than those that are true. that digging in the dirt is to touch the sacred. that earth worms are my favorite. that we have so much to grow in our gardens. that story plants are the best. that kindred spirits speak and give life.

if you've been reading this blog long enough, you'll witness memories deeper and rooted in who i am as a mother, artist, minister, friend, bread maker, cook, stranger, guest, hostess, risk-taker, practicer, sweeper, silent, talkative, soulful human being. you'll see and feel the roots that have grown deep in 2010. just as my free flow here in these five minutes speaks, so too does my soul speak. peace. rest. renewal to you and yours.

reverberations: appreciate: day 14

December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Author: Victoria Klein)

appreciate |əˈprē sh ēˌāt|verb [ trans. ]1 recognize the full worth of • be grateful for (something) 2 understand (a situation) fully; recognize the full implications of

3 [ intrans. ] rise in value or price

i appreciate the stories that are shared in spaces where i can listen. from my son's creative tales to my love's laughter-enriched-stories to the shared stories around the tables i am present, i find these to be sacred stories told in sacred spaces. each of the stories shared impacts me and the way i live. i feel honored to be present to the laughter, the tears, the joy, the muck, the ordinary. stories hold life. stories carry promise. stories are our past, present, and future all rolled into one.

delight, gratitude, humility, awe, rest, light, and life pour through stories. i am appreciative of the stories shared that i carry within.

reverberations: action: day 13

December 13 – Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)

you know i love looking at life in steps. one foot after the other, leading into the next step. stopping to experience live. living life in each step. each moment. without further ado:

step: resting my sitting bones and writing. taking the time to calendar time blocks for the creative birthing taking shape within. need to feed that creative spirit within. to name my passion, that deep centered truth within, and to allow that central truth to spill into the circles of life surrounding it. there's been progress made in this space. the time has come to rest my sitting bones and write.

reverberations: body: day 12

December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

i try to live wherein i am centered, whole. through yoga, breath, and meditation i experience the spaces of wholeness. when connecting to another through a sacred space of story sharing and telling, i am connected to my whole. when using my hands to create something that originates outside of me, but it's creation is birthed through me. these are the spaces where it IS and IS and IS. where i AM.

reverberations: 11 things: day 11

December 11 – 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

11 things to hit the chopping block for 2011 -- how letting go of these will change life.

1. selling myself short. -- owning who i am and living into what i am capable of.

2. extra pounds -- more energy and a lighter heart.

3. negativity -- balances what i bring to the world.

4. grief carried this year -- turns to a mourning song.

5. extra "stuff -- continuing to create beautiful spaces in which to live.

6. old clothes -- making room for less.

7. unnecessary expenses -- creating a nest egg for the future.

8. unfruitful spaces -- spending energy in the spaces that nurture & bring life.

9. cull the artistic wears -- creating space for the lovely new.

10. worries -- there's just not enough time for these.

11. busy-ness -- making room for the silence.