life. {{these days.}}

{{these days.}}  marking today with a few words and numbers that have significance these days.

23 weeks pregnant at this moment.  lecuring the 5th of 6 Mondays during Lent tomorrow.  completing 5 of 7 paraments for Easter for a lovely local Episcopal church.  working on new art :: wisdom cards as bereavement care, woodland love, and new write your own wisdom cards.

we're creating space in our home. breathing room as some say.  and it's feeling good, though we've just begun.  i find myself tired after a full day of sorting, moving, and lifting.  needing to slow the pace and know where my limits are these days.

my time as a part time short term chaplain ends this month, and i'm celebrating and grieving.  it's been a good, good time, filled with good people.  i am thankful and grateful.  i have new words and stories to share.  new themes to build upon for retreats and gatherings.  oh, that feels good.

my mind is opening with thoughts of spring.  buds and blooms.  i'm loving our dear sweet daffodils that hold such bursts of color.  thankful for each.  spending good time in the garden getting it ready.  seeds soon to be planted.  some really need starting now!  and i'm excited for all that is in store.  so much life springing forth.  the birds are getting so chatty.  you can't help but be called into their song, forgetting what you were doing.  they capture me in a way that is so good, so stilling.

i'm cooking, too.  eager to try a few new recipes, though  happy to have tried-and-true dishes that bring comfort and care for their whole food goodness.  even now a pot of black beans simmers on the stove to become two dishes that will feed us well.

mothering continues as i love on my boy of 7 years and celebrate this 8th year of motherhood with a new one growing within.  my boy shares so many conversations about his new sister to come, stomps a bit when frustrated, and continues to open my eyes to wonder and make me laugh, laugh, laugh.  i'm stretched in these mothering days.  i am certainly growing.

here.  these days.  i'm thankful for spaces to create beauty with a few words and images.  i'm thankful for you and our journey here together.  now to make a cup of tea, cook my boy some ramen, and add the final touches to tomorrow's lecture on Holy Pause: The Spirituality of Rest.

peace to you. deep peace.  greening peace.  

xo.

in-between: the breathing space.

for the last two weeks my family has dealt with simple, semi-traumatic moments.  my son bumped his head in the bathroom two sundays ago.  his injury was treated in the ER that evening.  his treament held in infection cells that grew over the school week and sent us to the ER with an eye nearly swollen shut a week later.  a three day, two night, five antibiotics ((four through IV)) stay took place in the last week.  he was fantastic.  having bear and blanket helped.  but really, it was him.  

and today it feels like a year later.

as a chaplain in the hospital and assisted living setting, i have visited hundreds and hundreds of rooms.  i have sat in chairs, on beds, and stood near.  i have shared tea and meals with many folks.  we have gathered at many tables.

this time.  this time was a first.

those who showed up for us, we truly thank.  it's a good, good thing to receive fresh morning coffee on a hospital guest tray, your favorite breakfast sandwich & tea from a friend.  new toys to engage the hands ((for my son)).   the meals prepared have been so thoughtful, arriving at just the right time.  and those who know best, truly: they know best, wait a week and are bringing a meal this week & next weekend.  thank you.

because.  mama's tired.

it's interesting where motherhood and ministry intersect when you're child is in the hospital.  i can't help but relate as a chaplain/minister.  it's there.  yet, the mama bear comes out, too.  thankfully.  my boy needed an advocate.  someone who had his back and asked questions.  my love and i were there for him.  there for each other.  i'm so, so thankful.

whew.

so i took a break.  a small break. i focused my reserves.  and...believe it or not, i worked on my writing. i finished off the final edits for my book proposal.  i saved it until the last day at the hospital.  and i sent it off the first day home!  fully integrated.  artist. mother. minister.  from the hospital chair near a window of a beautiful sky.  with my boy on the right meds.  with the right plan for healing.  i worked.

it felt good.

i think i've held in a bit of energy this week.  releasing.  relief.  celebration.  elation.

oh, life.  so much is held in the spaces between.  between the dishes.  between the meals.  between the IV doses, between ER trips.  between.

that's what's held in the breathing space this week.

life stories: always remembering.

there are times when we break bread together, sharing our stories, hopes, and hurts. there are times when we drink together, doing the same and also adding laughter and love.

i've been thinking a bit about confession & communion through deitrich bonhoeffer's life together as i've prepared a creative worship service for VA ministers attending an overnight retreat.

i think about how we hold ourselves back from others, whether in protection, fear, or routine. i think about how we carry hurts and wounds far longer than we ought. i think about the places for healing that shape us in our lives of caring for others. healing that takes place through tree branches, light, and color. my mind wanders over the landscape of memory to recall those i have hurt, held myself arm's length of, those i've misunderstood.

changing the vantage point, the space where i view the road traveled, i am given hope. we are all becoming. in the spaces of living, of being present, we are blooming into being. we are given the chance to become new again and again.

each day i awake to possibility. when i listen to inner wisdom, when i am present to myself, when i am fully attentive to the present moment, when i am seeking, when i am centering, when i am becoming mindful of those around me, i am living fully. there will always be difficult moments. there will be argumentative folks, negative folks, disagreeing folks. there will always be the other choice, the other road, the other response. breathe in, breathe out. move on.

again and again we return to breaking the bread, sharing the meal together with stories, hopes, and hurts. we share the cup and add laughter and love. we offer ourselves to one another and we are fully present to this moment, this body, this space. we can become for ourselves and one another the healing that we each need.

my theology always returns to a theology of presence. who are you present to in this moment?

draw in a deep breath, breathing in love for yourself. draw in a deep breath, exhaling the love from within sharing it to those that surround you.

in the midst of chaos...

listening to the sacred in the everyday spaces, including chaotic ones, i am held to the truths that surround me. my focus over the present moments and the weeks ahead is to create meaningful, just, soulful, loving, memory-filled spaces for our family. as i behold through my call to create and daily art of living, i'll be sharing some of these moments here as usual, but with a special lens via my friend Mary Allison and her good work.

read more about MakeShift challenge to see goodness and holiness amidst the holiday chaos on the MakeShift Revolution blog and play along if you'd like.