life stories: seeking the creative balance ((reposted))

life stories: seeking the creative balance was originally published on 19 October 2009.  i revisit this post today as i continue to seek creative balance. i'll be highlighting some past posts and creating markers of where i am today.  these posts come from the need to mark these moments in life, just as i was speaking of approaching my sweet boy's fifth birthday.  in my sixth year of motherhood, my 13th or 14th year of ministry (i'll have to do the math),  eighth year of bereavement group facilitation, seventh year of marriage, i feel called to pause, to sit and to listen. to have that internal dialogue and share it here with you.

new routines have become a part of my daily rhythm. lessons come, but with time between to ingest. among my favorite new routines are those from days past, now picked up again. i've come to believe that to achieve balance, you must begin with your body. both what you do with your body and what you put into your body. using concentric circle imagery, these attitudes toward balance are stacked on another, flowing together in the pursuit of wholeness and peace:

be-ing. attention is given to how breath & presence through previous posts. so, so important. to be in my own skin. to be still and aware. breathing deeply brings so much awareness to my moments. the present moment is here and i am aware.

breath work + exercise. daily pilates and/or walking. when i didn't give myself enough time to exercise before heading out to set up for an art show last thursday, my energy & attention wasn't so hot. i exercised a little later in the day, but wasn't quite myself come the evening's bereavement support group. my body's rhythm was "off". learning, i built in more time on friday morning before dashing to the show. there's new rhythm to my body's workings: my attention, my appetite, and my energy. over the last 6 weeks, exercise has said: "i'm here to stay. you've made room, and there's no turning back." while i've said for years that i couldn't run/jog because i didn't know how to breathe. now i'm learning: deep breathing in meditation plays into the way i breathe in exercise. connections.

listening to my inner wisdom. do you have those moments where you're aware, so aware of a choice you should make, or a move you should pursue? then, for some reason you don't go with that wisdom. well, each time i find that i learn to trust my inner wisdom. each chance to listen is a deepening of understanding. hopefully i'll find more balance with wisdom's call.

attending to my 'gut instincts'. while i think i was once one to say exactly what i thought, to be with those who were most in tune with me, and to attend to my own needs, i'd lost some of that over time. i think we clergy can forget ourselves in the pursuit of caring for others. in this attempt to find wholeness, i've had to strip off some of the layers of caring what others think. i've needed to move into borrowing something of Empty Space Coaching's question: "does it love me?" while heather explores this question surrounding food, i'm exploring it around people and attitudes. does everything or everyone have to love me? no. should i expect to surround myself with only love? well, given the choice i would, but is it even possible? not everything or everyone will love me. but here's the trick: i only want to hold onto the images, people, and comments that do love me. the negative thoughts, critical comments that don't produce good energy or deepening thoughts or welcomed work within shouldn't hang around. nope, nada. gone. even those comments that i may have mis-understood and held onto are getting tossed or challenged. i'll just ask that person if that's what he/she meant (something i heard as negative or uncaring) and move on.

friends. i love surrounding myself with my friends, but as friendships change and i adapt to new rhythms, i'm learning that's OK. i have not been investing as much energy into calling, scheduling, & running around. there's need for balance in relationships, and i've been noticing when it's not present. i don't mind work, but a new way of working is in order. so i'm making efforts to balance energy-giving with energy-receiving relationships. we'll see where these go.

food. i'm eating good food, but only what i need. i'm not as hungry. i'm more disciplined in the types of foods i am eating, and in the timing in which i eat. my husband and i talk about the power of a good breakfast. wow! you mean what nutritionists say is true? maybe so.

by caring for myself, giving myself time for exercise, breakfast (i skipped this most of the time), sweeping the floor (yes, it's on the list), and all the projects between i'm feeling good. i'm feeling closer to wholeness, closer to my core self. it's a good feeling.

there's a search for balance and re-balance. a search for wholeness and peace. while each day brings promise, i am aware of life's challenges, too. many of my sweet friends & clergy friends say that my facebook/twitter comments are so upbeat and cheerful. we'll see how that goes through the gray days of winter. for now, these crisp fall days bring hope. i feel good and i want to share those good feelings and energy with others.

time for self, family, and art + spirit restores me to the core of me. i'm ready for those friends who just "drop by" and brighten my day. i'm ready with tea and baked bread (some days) and mostly, i'm ready for the good times ahead. i'm getting to know myself all over again. i just hope that as you know me, well, like anyone, i hope to be accepted and loved for who i am. i will be hopeful and upbeat all the while the same truth-teller and pastoral support that i am.

life stories: mindful change

i'm beginning to think that if we each spent 10 minutes (or more) a day in still, mindful meditation we'll change the world. that change will begin within each of us, and the possibilities are limitless... i'm not the first to think such thoughts, but i join in the belief system that exists.

as i remove myself from social media, as i quiet our home with no sounds other than those natural "home" sounds and the sounds from outside, as i breathe deeply & sit still, there's something that takes shape from within. there's an inner stillness & awareness that wakes up within me and speaks to the world, the universe around me. there's a loss of time and space and an new creation of presence.

each moment that i spend still, quiet, focused, mindful i find myself using fewer words. i find my comprehension & thoughts focusing and i am in love with the ability to speak well. i am in love with the ability to be centered and positive.

what has surprised me are those moments of recognition where sarcasm, once practiced, is not so present. i even read & hear sarcasm in others as complaint rather than humor. [friends, i'll still love you, but i may distance myself from some of those tweets or comments on facebook.] you likely won't know. i'll just bid you blessings and peace.

when another friend called this week and spoke of my status updates & desire to be at a table with me, to sit and be in a thoughtful, well-intentioned conversation, i was humbled. during our conversation, memories of what i read that day that weren't so thoughful or well-intentioned (says the inner critic) poured into my mind. my conversation with this beloved friend wasn't as focused or centered. my mouth opened with questions and concerns. i said OUT LOUD some of my gut's instincts over recent days. i'm not sure if it "felt" good to be unburdened and share these thoughts with this kindred spirit or not. there's no guilt or regret, just questions of why so much welled up within. what i do hope is that we have the same desires each time we speak to want to be with the other person at table, sharing a meal or coffee together. to know that when we are low, there are folks who can help us to retain our balance. to know that we can first sit in a quiet stillness, listening to the sounds of our breathing, acknowledging our own thoughts that come into play as we sit and breathe.

we have so much potential inside of us. we are full of infinite possibility. (says one of my mini mixed media) while i am not attempting to share fortune cookie-like comments, i do feel full of good things. i want to express those good thoughts & share my life story. if negative thoughts or emotions come, i don't ignore them, but send them on their way. there's no room, no space left for them.

as my loving husband told me last night, "your mind is on other things." and he's right on target: my mind is on other things. mindful, thoughtful, peaceful, loving things. still in recognition of illness, death, and sorrow. much of that is spoken of in conversations with family & friends & those in the bereavement support group. i am in tune with that reality as well. awareness is so much of what brings that mindfulness through the creative spirit. then i can create & pray. i can be mindful that life is good, even when it's not.

creative spaces: my sweet desk

The Before Shot. do i really want to show you this? no. am i pleased with myself for the transformation? oh, my. yes! while my upstairs is my "studio/office", it's become a catch-all before our two weeks away. since then, it's remained in distressing form. thanks to reframe + ambition over the last week, i've been working at getting it into a space that i want to walk into and be. i want the space to calm me, not make my heart rush.

here's a slight close-up taken last night once the desk was 'finished for the night'. There will be more transformation that will come to the upstairs space, but taking it one-day-at-a-time is helping.
the desk, taken in the morning hours. i love using small containers for items that i need quickly. you'll see the GO box, files, my many favorite pens & pencils, labels, jewelry tools, etc. my desk is a working desk for my business, life, and art. it's all together, yet will have its separate places through the filing system.
the 'i-am-the-label-maker' labels. while i like the idea of a label maker, i'm also trying to use what i already have in this process. all things repurposed + vintage. today i'll make a purchase for some more clear file folders (which i love using for my business/art) and colored papers to finish out the list.
my son was inspired. so sweet. my son's happy desk, inspired by mine. he stood in awe (quite literally very still with his mouth open and as he reached for my paperclips, "do you want a desk like this?" "yes! i need pencils. i need red paperclips...")

seven minutes later, here's his desk. "his" camera for inspiration, a handy "lamp" and containers with his bees wax crayons, colored pencils, brushes, scissors, and a house box for his handmade paper books. you'll see a colorful assortment of his paperclips, too. but the best: his recycling container is a the bottom of his desk, too. it contains his cutting scraps as you see him working on. he's telling me now that, "i'm sitting at my desk drawing a gift picture for uncle john."

good gravy. this is great. even a three-and-a-half year old has cleared his spaces and is creating!

i must tell you that if you're inspired by this, you should be. i'm amazed at how good it feels to know that more good things are coming. there's been new plans and inspiration flowing over the summer, but still i've needed to be more organized. i can feel this is a good thing. a really good process to be engaged in. saying this because you receive a gift of hope, a good word, and much encouragement along the way. you don't go it alone, but with others. i love the life journey that we're on together.

check out reframe's program and go ahead, sign up! sessions start each monday.

sharing organization: project journal on a cigar box organizer

thanks to the re[frame] process soon to begin next week, i was motivated to create a creative box for part of the system. if you're not so into making your own, you can find this amazingly cute one with cards on etsy by FreestyleGifts, which inspired the use of tabs on mine.

to make a card file like this one, you'll need the following materials:

cigar box (this one is a 7 inch box, 4 inches tall)

cardboard, watercolor paper, or cereal boxes for 15-20 dividers

cards (these are a 4 x 6 vintage cardstock)

art materials, fabric, or old books to decorate the cardboard

glue, glue sticks, or adhesive that will work with your materials

pencil, scissors, and cutting tool (mat cutter seen below)

optional: materials to decorate the cigar box

step 1: gather your materials. take a deep breath. take another, and another. invite the creative spirit to be with you as you create.

step 2: taking you stack of cardboard or other materials, measure the dividers. the ones here are cut to a 5 1/8 x 6 inches. you can round to 5 x 6 inches if you so choose. you'll see the method below.
step 3: decorating the dividers: option a: if using paper, measure and mark the paper according to the way you want it placed on the card. i liked having some of the cardboard shown, as seen below. cut and paste the paper onto your cardboard divider. i made each of my decorative elements wrap underneath each divider and adhered them onto the back side as well. (option b: using fabric is below)

step 4: the line to the right is marking the 5 1/8 line, as my cardboard was larger than needed. you may have done this in the previous step.

step 5: using the glue bottle on hand, i marked "tabs" in one of four spots on my dividers. you may use more or less according to your preference. the divider itself without the tab measures 4.5 x 6 inches, with the tab extending beyond the 4.5 inches.

step 6: cut along your top edge using your mat cutter, x-acto knife, etc. If using recycled materials such as the organic mac n cheese box below, paper cutting scissors will be enough. i like the straight lines that a blade can provide.

reclaimed boxes or art (below) can also be used as dividers,
watercolors from college that i have saved for years are now 6 dividers.
step 3: option b: if you want to use fabric to cover your dividers as i have done, here are the steps.after making your dividers with tabs, take each divider and glue the fabric to the front side, leaving room to turn the divider over and wrap fabric onto the back.

press out evenly. some glue may squeeze through, and if you don't want to peel the glue off your hands, you can use the base of the glue bottle to smooth out the fabric. using your fabric scissors, trim the fabric along the entire divider.
be careful not to cut the cardboard with your fabric scissors, as you don't want to dull the blade. you may think ahead and trace the divider onto the fabric, cutting it first. either way works.

for the labels, i'm working on circular labels that i'll draw & scan, print & cut and glue onto the files. if i am able to, i'll put the labels on the blog as a download, but no promises.

ta-da. once you have completed the process you'll have a crafty box with sweet dividers in your own style. here you'll see a mix of vintage and modern fabrics that i use in my artwork. i was motivated to decorate the box itself, using leftover pieces of fabric, the watercolors scraps, and a block print incorporated into mixed media.

this project turned out so well that i'll be creating some cigar boxes as mixed media for the holiday shows. some will be project boxes that you can take and make yourself, which i will offer in my etsy shop. i love what creativity can spring forth in a day.

i've also made a pouch to keep cards in for on-the-go travels, which i'll show on another post. cheers.