motherhood marking moments: {{this}} moment.

tonight i choose to sit for 20 minutes and reflect here as a part of my lenten practice of sitting. in {{this}} moment: i am sitting in a lovely vintage red chair.  a child sized chair in my kitchen.  the lights are low.  i can hear the sounds of my sleeping boys and i know my mother is upstairs resting.  i sit still and feel the muscles in my body tell their story of the day.  i inhale love.  i exhale what i no longer need to carry from this day.

i listen.  i receive.

entering my seventh+ year of motherhood, i am marking this journey.  i am marking {{this}} moment in small, significant ways.  i am reaching into the well within.  i am listening to my truth.  i am celebrating a surprise trip from my mother and delighting in her company.  as she is fully present, i am listening to the whispers within of my beginnings and the lessons she carved into my being.  i'm sitting with these echoes from memory as i share with her the spaces of my own: my studio and our home.

in this moment, i take note that my shirt tells a story of the day.  flour from baking cakes. paint & stray threads from straightening in the studio.  marinara from tonight's pizza.  a ponytail that means business. ((and that my long-awaited haircut is coming within a few days! so glad becky returns to town!)) i look down recognizing that my nails have taken a rest from polish for a few days.  putting on that coat or two or four in the morning will mean that a party is coming!  the big six. oh, my.  my mama heart swells.

i love marking these moments with love and sweat and tears.  there's always that glorious combination of water and salt that comes through with love.  we taste and we drink and we know.  we drink from that well of wisdom within and our bodies react with tearful truths:

we are love.  we love.  

we are known.  we witness.  

i witness my son's life.  i try my best. to make good food. to create good spaces for delight and rest.  i try my best to also remember. to take deep breaths and witness what's taking place.  i also listen. with a short list to finish for the big six, i didn't stop to sit in the floor with him when he asked me to play legos. i will tomorrow.  and the next day.  sometimes the practice of sitting comes surrounded by legos. ((note to self: remember that lesson.))

today. today i mark moments with flour, with salt, and with water.  i mark moments with words. and with fabric. and thread.  i mark moments by becoming still and sitting.  and reflecting.  i mark moments with others beside me whom i love and am so thankful to see in my home.  

today i share from my heart what is true: mothering is one of the greatest gifts in my life.  i am so, so grateful for this child.  i long for my dear, dear, dear ones who have mothering hearts and a strong desire for children of their own.  i cherish my mama friend who just had her second DNC in 7 months, and my heart breaks for her.  i grieve for mamas i know and love who have lost babies, embryos, and children.  ((candles are lit.  prayers uttered.  breaths breathed.  love sent.))

my heart is always filled with their faces, their stories, their hearts.  i mark my own journey and carry them within me just as i am blessed and carried within them.  we carry each other.    

we are known.  we witness.  

we are love.  we love. 

teary?  we mark those moments, too.  there is laughter here.  there is love here.  there are tears, too.  oh, what a dear, wonderful, mysterious, precious, creative life we experience.  

((deep breath.))  sending love.  sending love.  sending love.  

xo.

life story: marking moments.

life's full of marking moments.  today is no different.  

sometimes it's in celebration of life, of birth, of memory.  sometimes it's to allow the tears to flow after an uphill climb.  you've reached the top of the mountain and you plant your flag into the soil.  i've reflected on such moments for some time and cannot help but create such a ritual to share through my art. 

hearts, stars, and circles (not pictured) on a stick.  these are the flags that can be placed in a jar, on a cupcake, on a cake, or can lean well in a window or altar.   

as i celebrate and grieve my sweet boy's marking moment today, i will carry the memory.  today marks three years of love, care, and growth from the amazing folks at his day school.  he's growing up.  today marks such growth and life.  i celebrate and i breathe in the memory of it all.  

i will remember in my own ways.  he will, too.  i know this day will carry emotion for each of us.  i hope that in my mothering role i am able to help him to articulate his emotions and carry them well.  may we all do such work in our lives.