30 August 2012

on putting my heart out there.

on matters of the heart.  oh, my.  i'm not equipped to say much about this as a whole.  yet i'm ever so experienced in dealing with my own heart.

saying that, i'm so-so about following my heart.  at times i pull together all the will power i have and say to the world: here goes nothing.  i'm putting myself out there fully and moving foward into my call.

i do that in waves.  sometimes it's ankle deep.  sometimes it rushes up to me and washes over me, covering my head.

here goes nothing.

i've been writing.  a book.  i'm in the proposal stage of what i believe will become a book.  one.  then another.  ((since i'm going to be investing time into writing two! maybe three overlapping.))  

it's a project that's spanned the last few years.  the vision of the book has been held for a long time.  a long time.  maybe over 4 years now that i think about it, yet the book it's becoming is going to be good.

good as in: tears come as i write.  that's when i know.  i know there's something there.

my coach has cheered me on.  my tribe's been informed in slow bits and pieces.   i've been living the book through my retreats and gatherings.

and now.  now.  now is the time to honor this creative birth and see her come to be.  to live.  to grow.

oh, my.  my heart is so invested in this.  yet i keep myself from the shores.  i walk away sometimes, toward the sand dunes and i find myself thirsting for what i know is within that is calling to be born.

so.  my schedule looks different.  even the folks i surround myself are a bit different.  in fact, i'm opening myself up more!  can you believe that?  counter-intuitive to some, yet... what i need.  i'm partnering more and finding myself becoming more and more whole.

my life partner, my love, gives me the best of the best.  my love's space in my life is that unparalled.  he's my greatest champion and hero.  we're in this together.

likewise, my soulsisters are present.  my tribe is forming to a point of greatest gratitude.  i'm opening our home and the studio more and more to folks to gather.  my heart is becoming a meeting place for others.

i'm putting my heart out here, too.  i need space to write.  i need affirmations and encouragement.  and i need to just. write.

to sit.

to listen.

to trust.

and write.  write from my heart.  write for my heart.  and to know i'm enveloped by the waves of wisdom. and that it. is good.

so.  my heart.  is here.  between the words.  in the words.   i know my style is my own and i own that.  there's goodness in the work i do with others.  i'm the last to acknowledge that truth.  yet. my heart has told me.  i must own it.  i must know it.  and i must write so that goodness can be shared beyond my table to include yours.

ah.  trust.  nothing to lose.  yet if i do not sit.  and write.  my heart will lose.

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