among the lenten lessons learned, i've been challenged today by my wise sage: my therapist. she's a kindred spirit, colleague, sojourner, and wise one. among those fabulous traits i consider her to be a speaker of truth.
when i told her today that i'd given up my inner critic for lent, she suggested that i should never give up my inner critic saying, "i'm so glad that it's almost Easter because you need your inner critic. you need her." from her words through the stirrings of today i'm beginning to believe that i need her voice within me. she's the one to call my heart into attention when something is out of line. she is there to help me to become mindful. she is present in times that i need her voice.
she is also there and can sit with the wise elder and be heard. the wise elder knows how to listen to the inner critic. you need both to be whole.
wow. that is something to ponder. it seems fitting that my wise sage challenges me this holy week, on the final path to easter. as i ponder, i will look with wise eyes and allow the inner critic to speak to me, i will listen. i will not react. i will not turn the critic's voice into my own, but i will listen. she may have learned something from the wise elder. i know the wise elder is with me and present to me. i know that when i live in the fullness and wholeness that is me, i am not pulled apart by critic, elder, muse. i am not woman, mother, wife, teacher... i am me. i am whole. i am divine.
it is in the divine light that i seek to be made whole, seek to be restored, seek to be a light for others. today, now, i seek to be me. in the fullness and beauty of me. me. in the light and darkness of life, for in darkness we see light. in darkness we grow and are warmed in our mother's womb. in both light and darkness, with both the critic and wise elder i am me.
there are very real lessons that i am able to learn each day, as we all are. sometimes we must stand in the light of our truth and the light of our love to see our fullness, even for a moment. there i want to reside. there i want to grow. so, i will be. i will be enough, not resisting the critic, but living with her. through lent i have found that her presence has been quiet most of the time. when i try to push her away, she fights back. when i rest with her, she is still. there's still a pondering there, but maybe a birth place for the critic to herself grow into a wise one. perhaps.