life stories: mindful change ((revisited)) & mindful presence

enjoying a day off from school, jo and i ventured into the world in the rain. he loves walking in the rain, opening his mouth to it, catching it in his palm.  that water is important to the world.  i think of acid rain and what pollutants we might put into the rain, but he sees provision for the plants and grass.  i see both.  oh, let us care for the earth.

we dine together using our mugs from home, enjoying ice cream and a toasted bagel with cream cheese. the sacredness of the silence in our time sitting at table is marked.  the delight in the colors and textures before me is noted.  i love sharing tmie and energy with this sweet child of mine.  i continue to marvel at what five years of living has taught him.  he's curious, thoughtful, silly, and fun.

motherhood continues to teach me.  i'll always be both teacher and student on this journey.  for that i am thankful.  we move into days of play and rest.  we move into a space of wide open possibility and lessons with goals and objectives.

right now i want to continue to move into spaces of success and delight in motherhood and ministry and art.  my presence to this dear boy, my love, and to those whom i minister is meant to filled with goodness and creativity.  each of these areas deserve full attention and presence.

each moment that i spend still, quiet, focused, mindful i find myself using fewer words. i find my comprehension & thoughts focusing and i am in love with the ability to speak well. i am in love with the ability to be centered and positive.

at times i become distracted by the spaces & thoughts surrounding me.  i know that happens.  sometimes i become focused on how much more i could be doing.  letting that thought go, i can be fully present to what i am doing and who i am in that moment.  i can listen to the sacred stories of others and be filled with the presence of the sacred in that moment.

i do feel full of good things. i want to express those good thoughts & share my life story. if negative thoughts or emotions come, i don't ignore them, but send them on their way. there's no room, no space left for them.

my pursuit is to be fully integrated: mother, minister, friend, artist, daughter... to be fully present through all the spaces of life: cooking, gardening, sewing, reading, writing, dreaming, sitting, practicing yoga, walking, hiking, stepping forward...

as i reflect during this lenten season, i have beecome aware of how my mind has been stuck in the past. when gathering with others, sometimes i find myself reacting to their old self and not the new self that has emerged.  where once complaint and negativity filled the conversations more than much else, i recognize that shift into new paths, new spaces of reflection and positive energy.  yet, my mind is caught flavoring those thoughts with memories of the past.  here before me is a new mindfulness.  i must have a mindful presence to receive what is in the here and now and release the old thoughts.  to release the "but you said this" and didn't you mean what you said?

we all change and grow.  what i say today holds meaning today.  if i am living well, fully integrated, my words will shift as a part of change and growth.  now is the time to remain as flexible in receiving the growth of others.  to welcome the new, renewed energies.  to make room for their presence where i once distanced myself from those spaces.  there's a mindful presence to this sort of space and pace.

and so in this moment, this day, i am moving into my wholeness as i name what once was and release it into the wind.  i name the truth of what i am experiencing and give myself the freedom and space to move forward, to change and to grow. a creative process in becomind mindful in this time and space, fully present to myself and others.  fully able to delight in the moments with my dear boy, finding peace when we sit together, hearing his laughter as it happens with a mind that's free and present.