bread baking: reflecting, breathing & living

Today I'm making bread. Not an unusual occurrence, but one that is significant today, the last day of 2009. Bread making always Over the years I've become so accustomed to the liturgical flow of the church seasons that the "new year" begins in Advent for my internal clock. While I'll soon be writing 2010 on dates, I celebrate the change that's occurring in the calendar. I don't share the ritual of resolutions, but I do believe in the rituals of food & remembrance.

We shared our table and lives this year with amazing people. Our son continues to bloom in his third year of life adding much to his imaginative life of robots, monsters, superheroes, scriptural characters (he loves that jonah), pirates, chefs, and knights. We have lived together well in the present. We have adapted to changing needs of family life and have had many laughs along the way. We are content & we are whole.

Here on this final day of 2009 I have much that I'm thankful, offering a small taste here. For the sacred centering, the time & sharing with kindred spirits, the rhythm of my work & play, for the time devoted to mind, body, and spirit. For each who has a piece of silver tree art. For the good space & sacred moments shared in bereavement care. For the many moments celebrated and the amazing souls met. All these connections have been imprinted in this past year. And for the incredible personal growth & recognition taking shape. Each experience shapes me into a new awareness. Just as the yeast moves within the warm water and then into the flour, these experiences have given me new shape. I am given the opportunity to BE. I am in each moment filled with awe and gratitude. When the shaping of the dough comes in deflating the risen bread, I'm also humbled by the grace and attitudes of others. Sometimes what pounds against me isn't all that pretty or lovely to behold, but I rise again. The inner critic is subdued. I am reminded that we are each unique and we each have gifts to offer. Trust happens in that reminding. Each story is important and each telling has a place. My voice is unique, as is yours. For this and more, I am thankful.

While I have no resolutions per say, I do have sparks that I'm grateful for in the coming year. My professional life and personal life are all inter-twine, thus this space. In this space I have my own reflections, deep breathing, and stillness as I write, putting my thoughts, attitudes, and remembrances to the universe. Thank you for being a part.

Much in the same way I have torn off the last of the grocery pad, it's time for a new one. A new calendar month, a new page in the journal. A new spirit of hope and movement. Some of my own inner workings come when I am trying to hold onto what shouldn't be held onto. I find that living a life with palms open, allowing life's breeze to touch is more apt to my spiritual needs. I dare not hold onto what I shouldn't, but use my hands in ways that bring uplifting, caring, sometimes kneading ways. My mothering hands are the hands that hold my almost 4 year old boy (we like to say three and three-quarters). My baking hands knead the dough in gentle but firm ways. My ministerial hands hold the hands of others, providing touch to the hurting. My partnering hands tell my husband that I'm present to him now and always. Oh, the work of our hands.

While there are times that I am able to look to my hopes and dreams for the future, I'm learning to focus on the moment at hand. I'm baking today's bread in today's way. Tomorrow's bread will be it's own loaf, with it's own conditions. Conditions I can hardly control.

Today I rest in the comfort of so much love surrounding me. I will walk through today as any other, baking bread, loving, and creating memories. In this vein, I'll carve the block print I've been working on and treasure 2009 with all of its days, all of its lessons.

May today bring blessing, good food, and rest to you and yours. May you bake bread in your own way: loving, tending, nurturing, and waiting. May the coming days surround you with love, health, and blessing. Peace to you and yours.